weight a minute
When I started blogging, I swore to myself that I wouldn’t allow this to turn into just another daily account of every calorie to personally cross my path, lists of excercises done or avoided, or mindless minutae about what cute thing my husband said/cat did today/shoes I saw. But above all, I vowed blogging wouldn’t be a bid for attention where I aired all the ins and outs of my (plus-size) laundry in public…
But the fact is, friends, it’s been a hell of a week.
A hell of a TWO weeks, if I’m being honest.
The particulars are not important, because the particulars are no excuse. The particulars - no matter what they are - are never the problem.
The problem is that I chose to let stress be an excuse for shelving my better judgement, and to de-prioritize what HAS to remain my FIRST priority (or what has to at least share the limelight with whatever else is going on).
The problem is that I made the choice to “get swamped,” to “not have time.”
The problem is that although a million and one things - family emergencies, work, etc. - taxed my energy and my time, I chose to allow that to take my focus 100% off of taking care of myself at ALL. As a result, I not only DIDN’T lose any weight in the last two weeks, I DID lose what little ground I have gained fitness-wise, and I lost the habit of making regular exercise and healthy eating part of my life. And that’s the real key to success, isn’t it? To not make it part of my life-only-when-everything’s-going-hunky-dory. But to make it part of my LIFE.
I got out a calculator, and discovered that I could have at LEAST found 2, 3, maybe 4 , or even 5 hours for exercise over the past TWO WEEKS. You know how come I know? Because there are Three-Hundred-And-Thirty-Six hours in two weeks. Now, I’m no math whiz - but 2, 3, maybe 4, or even 5 hours is NOT that large a percentage of time to somehow have NOT been able to find.
Oh, I did find 4 hours to go to the salon for a haircut and bikini wax. I found time for THAT. I justified it by saying it was “the one thing I did for myself” last week. But why wasn’t “the one thing I did for myself” an aerobics class? Or 2 or 3? What good is a nice haircut if it frames a double-chin? What good is being swimsuit-smooth if I wouldn’t be caught dead poolside?
And I also found time to go to the pub with my husband to watch Premiereship Football for THREE HOURS. I justified THAT by saying it was the only “together” time we had all week, and “isn’t that important for our relationship?” But what good is “together” time with a woman who is withdrawn, lethargic, and self-conscious? What am I really bringing to the relationship when I’m like that?
It also didn’t help that the Guinness Girls were there in all their longlegged, 20 something, plaid ultra-miniskirted glory, prancing around like show ponies offering up unspoken promises and little sample glasses of beer. And who knew that SO many Irishmen had never heard of “this Guinness drink you speak of” and needed to try just a wee bit to see if maybe they might like it? Amazing. The husband was very conscientious, and didn’t stare. Or at least, he didn’t let me catch him staring, which is just as good.
Does Lane Bryant carry plaid ultra-miniskirts? Unlikely. And even if they did, it’d take more of those teensy beershots than my house is worth to trick the hubby into mistaking me for a Guinness Girl. Guinness truck, maybe…
What’s really interesting to me is that fact that I KNOW that I physically and mentally just FEEL better when I’ve been to the gym regularly, even if it doesn’t cosmetically show right away. My body is more alert, and so is my mind. My MOOD in general is better. And the longer I don’t excercise, the worse I feel - physically, mentally, and emotionally.
So it’s a simple and obvious equation; I KNOW that if I work out, things will start to improve for me and I know if I don’t, they won’t.
And yet, the more things get worse, the less likely I am to do the ONE simple thing I know for SURE will give me the boost I need to get through the tough times.
It’s ridiculous.
It’s inexplicable.
And I’m writing this blog STILL having NOT been to the gym in TWO WEEKS. I have already taken half an hour to sit (SIT!) here tapping away at the OH-so-not-very-fat-burning heart rate of what, 75 bpm? 80? …when I could be heading off to the gym for some exercise - ANY exercise.
Not that talking about these things isn’t of value - it is - but I see pretty clearly that in a way, I am just procrastinating. Riding the “Poor Me” pony all the way back to the ranch.
Well, hell.
ALL I have been talking about on this blog since day one has been the fact that it all boils down to my ability to choose - or, rather, my RESPONSIBILITY to choose - how I see things, how I define things, and what I do with that information…
So -
NO. I choose NOT to be “procrastinating,” but instead to be succeeding in talking myself into shutting the hell up, into to quitting moaning about my unfair lot in life, and into DOING something actually USEFUL about it by going to the gym -
Right.
NOW.
Later, ladies…
Step number 1 is to recognize the problem . . . and you have done that . . . so now you just have to do something about it . . . which it also sounds like you are doing. Put yourself on your priority list and you will be fine.
I love your honesty, and yes we DO make the choices, it is not by accident, good job in realizing that. I know you can get to the gym, girl, just choose to do it. Make your health a priority, I have faith in you! Hugs, Kama
Anna, good to see you back and not just b/c i love your writing but b/c it sounds like you are trying really hard to take yourself seriously and make time for what you know would ultimately make you happy. go go go! you can do it! and, yes, everything you say is so true for me, too.
What you are saying is so true for alot of people and also me. But the thing is to get up and do something about it and you did and you got it off your mind. So YOU GO GIRL!!! And prove them Guinness Girls you can do it lol.
You never cease to impress me with your writing! You have a talent for capturing your audience! Thank you once again for this wonderful blog. I have to agree with you 100% and have recently come to the same conclusion. when I was single I would dedicate 2 hours per day to the gym (this included exercise time and spa time). Like I said, I spent 2 hours at the gym everyday…except on Saturdays when I would train for my marathons AND I HAD A FULL SOCIAL SCHEDULE…nowadays, I have a pretty predictable schedule…work, home, work, home and on most weekends, social obligations…..I have NO EXCUSE to not spend at least 30 minutes at the gym each and everyday!! So like I said…I agree 100%. Now I want to know if after typing this blog you actually went to the gym?
“this Guinness drink you speak of”
Priceless. I love it.
Hey girl its hard to get the motivation to actually go to the gym especially after a long day, dont beat yourself up just make the commitment to at LEAST get out there and walk after dinner or 15 min during a break. I know you can do it you are a very determined women that is why you are succesful in all the other parts of your life. You will feel better doing something then doing nothing, good luck to you, you will be hopping around in your little plaid skirt in no time
Oh I just laughed out loud. You are hysterical. I am going to the gym right now!!! Thanks.
Hello!
I really like your writing. Don’t be TOO hard on yourself now, but great motivation. Keep it up - you can do it!